It’s Complicated

When you love, you love hard and I would like to believe that’s the case for most people. When you love someone your goal is to make to them happy. We become so invested in their happiness, that sometimes we are willing to sacrifice our own happiness for theirs. 

When you become invested into making someone happy you are very cautious of their feelings. You handle them, their peace and happiness with care. What does that even mean? That means you may adjust what, how, when, where and why you say the things you say and do the things you do. You adjust how you approach situations to avoid upsetting or hurting their feelings even if it results in you being hurt. You may consistently put your pride aside because standing firmly on what you believe or advocating for how you feel leads to an argument. Then it gets to a point of you doing whatever you have to do to avoid conflict with the one you love. 

So you smile when you’re not even happy because saying how you feel really isn’t allowed without conflict. You make a choice to no longer speak on things you notice because it leads to conflict. Ultimately, you compromise YOUR happiness, peace and you devalue your standards. When you have feelings and emotions bottled up that you want to get out but can't, you become extremely uneasy. You walk around feeling as if you have a heavy weight, or burden on your chest. Your heart is "heavy", being weighed down by unspoken words.

This becomes a conflict of interest because you want to please the person that you love and ensure they are happy while also considering your happiness.  

Now i’m not saying you shouldn’t be considerate or compromise in a relationship but it MUST be mutual. To have somebody that loves you is a blessing but only to a person that is grateful. Google defines blessing as; beneficial thing for which one is grateful; something that brings well-being. So if the person you are with is not grateful for the lengths you are going to make them happy then that is when the conflict arises. Seeing the one you love happy makes you happy I agree but when that person is ungrateful of your efforts it becomes harder to please them. And the more you give to them the less you give to yourself. You never want to lose yourself trying to love someone else. 

Understand that your happiness and peace matters just as much as theirs does. You have to learn how to have a balance between the love you give and the love you receive. Otherwise you end up giving more of you, while receiving less than you deserve.   

Thanks for reading.