Losing Someone You Love
Living without the people you love, hurts. Honestly, it SUCKS! Whether they’ve passed away, you’ve grown apart, or ended a relationship abruptly. It hurts to be without someone you love. It hurts to miss somebody, especially when you can’t pick up the phone to call them or feel their warm embrace.
With missing them we must also find ways to cope with living without their presence. Here are some tips I developed to help smooth the process.
Give yourself time to hurt. We all we want to be strong. However, strength is not hiding your pain, its actually embracing your pain. If you need a moment to cry, then take that moment. Take a car ride by yourself and just breathe. Take a walk. Spend time with yourself. Jump and scream if you need to. It is okay and understand that it takes time.
Find ways to express what you are feeling. I think processing our emotions is one of the hardest things to do, let alone expressing them. Sometimes you can’t find the words. Sometimes when can’t find the time. Different things work for different people. Writing in a journal is a good outlet for people that are introverts. It’s better to get a physical journal to isolate yourself from everything (phone, social media, etc.). Other ways: find a song that makes you smile or bring back positive memories.
Preserve or release memories: Memories truly can be a gift or a curse. When you’ve lost somebody that you truly care about memories can either help ease the pain or bare a burden. Sometimes I catch myself crying and smiling at the same time thinking of my Grandpa just because I have enough memories to last a life time. Those are my pick me ups. Along with memories I have pictures and videos that I can replay to help soften the pain. Anything that helps hold on to it and anything that hurts let it go. How do you let go of memories that are in your head. Try getting rid of anything that reminds you of those specific memories and people. When the thoughts cross your mind, find something positive to counter those thoughts with.
Ask for support. There is such a negative stigma around asking for help in the black community. Asking for help does not make you weak, it does not make you less than, etc. it actually makes you stronger and builds you up. Lean on the people closet to you. Do NOT feel like you are a burden to someone else because in sharing our story/pain we also share our strength. You never know much much of an inspiration you can be to someone at your lowest point in life. You have people that love you more than you may know and if you feel like you don’t trust me pray to God and he will send people in your path to help you in ways you would never imagine.
Find creative outlets. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. When we lose someone we love, it shatters a piece of us and we have to put ourselves back together. Create a list of 3 things (minimum) that make you happy. It can be the simplest things too. It can be listening to a song that makes you smile, going for a walk in the park, trying yoga, a dance class, writing in a journal, DIY activities. Do more of anything that makes you smile and brings your soul joy. Be sure to make sure they are healthy outlets. Do not become dependent on substances, or look to people to fill the void. It’s okay to allow people to be there for you but do not become dependent and use them to take the place of that loss. You have to do that first.
I truly hopes this helps anyone battling with the loss of a loved one. With much peace and love, Shanice.