The Adjustment
“The most challenging relationship is a healthy one after a toxic one.”
Moving on and letting go of a toxic relationship is hard. We get so accustomed to our own version of normal, making it harder to let go or move on. We hold on to these relationships even if they bring us discomfort or pain. While we may think that letting is the hardest part, moving forward in a healthy direction is even harder. Starting over reminds us that we are human.
When you’ve been in a toxic or unhealthy relationship, you develop so many layers as a defense mechanism to protect your heart, peace and feelings. It seems impossible to let people in again. It feels even more impossible to trust someone. You ponder on the fact that you’ve invested so much of your time, energy, and sacrificed so much of yourself. It seems that you have given more then you have received. And you end up feeling as if all of these factors deemed you unworthy of being loved again.
Don’t get me wrong, all unhealthy relationships don’t start off that way. However, after it hits a turn for the worst it’s easy to point the finger at one person. It’s easy to make one person feel responsible for the issues in the relationship. Let’s be honest, we all have flaws and insecurities and being with someone can bring out the best and worst parts of ourselves. We get so accustomed to our flaws and insecurities being the vocal point and we tend to devalue our worth.
After dealing with a toxic relationship, its easy for us to carry that baggage with us. We become that same poison that we tried to escape. You end up self sabotaging and doubting everything someone does or tells you out of the fear of being hurt again. You can have someone in your corner willing to love you the way you want to be loved and give you the world but you are blinded by your own insecurities and fears. We can also run people away by bleeding the poison of those toxic/unhealthy traits into your current relationship. They make a nice gesture and you question it. They tell you they are there for you and you constantly push them away or shut them out. You began believing that every thing they do has an alternative motive.
The flaws we have make us human. Every relationship will have problems. Embrace and endure each and every one of them together. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and if you get hurt in the process, so be it. At least you can honestly say you didn’t block something good before you got a chance to actually experience it. You never know what lessons were meant to come from whatever you had to endure. Let go of your pride, take charge of your story and enjoy your journey.