Guess What: You Matter!

Suicide is one of those subjects that we throw on the back burner until we experience first hand or lose someone we love to suicide. I personally was one those people that never paid attention to suicide and I honestly never thought anyone I knew would fall victim to suicide. I guess I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the thought of someone harming themselves to the point where they lost their life. Unfortunately, in 2013 I was made a believer. It took losing my sister, Shantia and someone like a cousin to me, Sumaria to realize that suicide is real and the people I love the most are real life suffering.  

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Of course we as spectators could never believe that anything someone is going through is worth taking their own life but honestly, mental health isn’t addressed or taken serious enough in our community. When I say our I mean the African American community. We never learn how to properly deal with our problems. We can’t cry because we are conditioned to believe that crying is a sign of defeat or weakness. We don’t utilize therapists because people label you as crazy, it’s frowned upon to seek help or there is a lack of resources to therapists. Mental health is frowned upon and honestly it’s not taken seriously. We’re so quick to judge and compare situations. Who are we to say that what somebody is battling isn’t THAT serious?? Maybe you have dealt with more, maybe they are more fortunate than others BUT we must realize that everyone has a breaking point. Your breaking point may be completely different than mine, his and hers. So be mindful of the criticism you dish out when we hear what battles others are fighting.  

JCole said something that stuck with me while performing on stage after the recent death of Mac Miller.  He said “what makes us healthy and i’m not talking physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually is our ability to deal with and process pain. Everybody has experienced pain, we cant escape it or avoid it.  People die today, yesterday, and tomorrow. They die, and they never get a chance to deal with their shit!” He said. “They never even knew they were supposed to. I’m not trying to wait till I die to deal with my shit. I’m trying to deal with my shit right f*cking now. As you grow up, you go through some traumatic sh**,”.

As we matriculate through life we encounter a problem after problem. Over the course of our life we will probably experience a traumatic experience every year and some even more frequently. However, how we deal with those experiences is what makes or breaks up. If you are going through something, you are fighting a battle or battles please reach out to someone for help. You don’t ever have to fight your fight alone. We as friends, family member, significant other, parent, etc. must step up and truly be there for our loved ones.

Many people shut down and feel alone because we make them feel uncomfortable, like their problems don’t matter, or we are come of as rude & judgmental. Even if you can’t relate to what someone is going through, try to be empathetic. Show them you care by being an ACTIVE listener. That means you aren’t just listening but you are responding to let them know you are interested, they have your attention and support. Sometimes people just need to know that someone, anyone understands. If the problems they are battling are too severe that phone calls and being a listener won’t suffice then recommend them to get the help that they need. Show them that they have your support. Also check on your strong friends, the happy friends, the successful friends. The people that seem the happiest are often times going through the most. They are constantly trying to be there for everyone that sometimes they forget to be there for themselves. So be there for them in any and every way possible.

Lastly, if you are going through ANYTHING and you feel like you are on the verge of taking your life please contact the national suicide prevention line @ 1-800-273-8255. I promise someone will ALWAYS answer quickly and they will talk to you about ANYTHING you want to talk about.

Thanks for reading :)