"None of my Concern"

You didn’t want me but you also didn’t want to let me go.

You treated me like a prize possession in your own personal antique shop. You understood how rare and important I was but that wasn’t enough. You wanted me in your life stored away, and not too far from your reach. Okay… there I was just there waiting and collecting dust. Time went on and I didn’t shine or twinkle in your eye anymore but the thought of knowing you had me there provided you with some type of comfort. If ever I would go too far you’d dust me off and put me back in my “special place”. I meant enough for you to keep me there stored away but not enough for you to truly cherish me.

Why would you bother me every time you saw me doing fine without you? For a while I sat there stuck and confused with a million questions all of them beginning with why? I wanted nothing less but to be free —- free of your hold, the need for your validation, the craving for your love and attention. Honestly, as bad as I wanted to be free deep down inside I wanted you to realize the treasure you truly had tucked away. A part of me believed that you didn’t want to let go because maybe you did love me or you cared, which is why you didn’t want to let go. We played a game of tug of war. When I pulled you would pull away and when you pull I pulled away.

It was toxic and unhealthy but it worked …. until it didn’t. I felt crazy knowing that as bad as things were I still wanted there to be an US. I couldn’t understand how the thought of you even in pain still made me smile. I just didn’t understand how “when it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good”… But with time, with time, with timeeeeeeee… I realized a diamond was only meant to shine. Not to be stored away for no one to see, cherish and love. I realized I was worth more than a temporary feel of happiness. I was worth more than the bare minimum given to make me stay. It was then when the change occurred. My happiness was no longer attached to you. My feelings were no longer triggered by your actions. My peace was no longer centered around you. You were no longer in the vision/expectation of my future but a figment of the past. You were now “None of my concern”