Dear Strong Black Woman
Your entire life you have been told to be independent, you are strong and you don’t need ANYBODY else. You’ve watched your mom struggle to feed you OR provide for you no help. Do you remember those long nights she would stay up late and cry after she kissed you goodnight? Only to wake up, cooking breakfast with a fake smile the next morning as she prepares to endure these struggles all over again? You remember seeing her persevere though it all right? But, most of all you remember her saying those 3 things; you’re strong, be independent and you don’t need anybody especially a man.
Where is the man? The same man that was supposed to be the provider and protector of the family. Well, the provider and protector existed just not in the form of a man. That was the first lesson. Mama told her NEVER let a man do anything for you because men don't do anything for free. EVERYTHING comes with a price. So yeah, he may take you on a date, pay for the date but guess what, 9/10 he's expecting something at the end of the night.
So after enduring constant struggles, pain and disappointments how could she allow a man to come in her life and disturb all that she has known to be true (take care of yourself, you don’t need a man.). She has no problem loving, but she struggles to accept love. She’s so focused on being strong and independent that she's forgotten what it means to actually be loved and heavily supported. So you expect this strong black woman to walk into a relationship openly submissive and ready to risk it all? Nahhhhh? I Doubt it.
This is for my strong black women who are constantly told to "Smile", asked "Why are you so mean?"or looked upon as the“angry black woman.” Do you want to know why we are like this? Truthfully, it's hard to connect to men for many strong black women, which is why most successful BLACK women are single. For some reason, our strong-mindedness, work ethics, and social class accomplishments scare the hell out of men, particularly black men. Men who would have you adjust your standards rather than rise to them. Men that can't even begin to peel back the layers to understand WHY she is a STRONG. BLACK. WOMAN. Or why she can't let you in or why it’s so hard to emotionally connect to her. Why she won't let you take care of her or even attempt to. Why she reaches for her purse on a date or reaches for the door to open it for herself before you could EVEN think to do so for her. It’s been drilled in her that you have to be that rock, strength and protect your peace at all costs. Don’t let anyone in your space and don’t let anyone get too close.
Strong black women don't break, we may bend but we don't break. WHY? Because at a young age we are taught to be strong. In the world where the odds is already against because we are black but the barrier thickens because we are WOMEN.
How or why should we allow someone in our lives? Men, you have to be willing to rise to the standards, be her peace & support, and finally love her and when I say love her I mean ALL of her. You have to be willing to get to know her and truly understand her story. Where is this anger, pain, and mean demeanor truly stemming from? It’s important to understand that all hurt doesn’t come from past relationships because those wounds can heal BUT the socialization installed in you growing up is harder to heal, cope with and most of all change. She may be a little sassy and have barriers that seem to never end, but there’s ALWAYS a reason why and if you love her it will always be worth it.
Now Women… we can’t let the hurt dedicate our lives. We can’t let the circumstances we faced growing up and the hurt from those past relationships dictate our life. Be open to love. Be open and willing to accept help without feeling as if that takes away from your strength. Think about it: “Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live in?”