It’s Okay to Be Single — Sincere Thoughts

There's this negative stigma around being single. It's almost like if you're single something has to be wrong with you or somehow it takes away from your worth. Bizarre right? But most of us, including me, have fell victim to this stigma. Being single has such a bad stench; we would do and give up anything just so we won't have to be single (i.e. dealing with and or being in toxic relationships with toxic people).

Why are we so afraid of being single? Is it because singleness means loneliness? Although we may feel lonely, we’re never alone. Before hearing Pastor Todd's sermon, I couldn’t distinguish the difference between the three. I thought that being single, being alone and lonely were all basically the same thing. However, after listening to Pastor Todd, I learned that being single just means being separate, apart, unique, complete, whole, one with self. This means that you are about to be one, by yourself and still feel whole. Alone is defined as separated from others, having no one else present; on one's own. Lonely is defined as the state of being sad due to the lack of a companion. One can be single and not be alone or lonely.

Do you feel complete on your own or are you seeking to fill a void? Do you think that the presence/comfort/title of someone else will somehow complete you or fill that hole? Honestly, it won't. Having a companion is only a quick fix. It's like putting a band-aid over a scar that needs careful care and constant treatment. The void is filled temporarily and will not or cannot be permanently filled until YOU take time to yourself and actually embrace your single season.

While you are single, work on YOU.

Become fully devoted to you, your purpose and God.
Eliminate distractions and truly invest in yourself.
Accomplish those things you’ve been pushing to the back burner while you were consumed with giving love to others.

Pastor Todd offered a formula for singles to live by.

“Love God - Love Yourself - Love others.”

Matthew 22: 37-39

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a]38 This is the first and greatest commandment.39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]

This means that you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself. And if you haven’t taken time out to love yourself unconditionally then how do you expect to love someone else unconditionally? Singleness is a time to get to know yourself. Knowing who you truly are allows space for you to LOVE yourself down to the nitty gritty. Ask yourself these questions:

Do you love the parts of you that may not seem lovable to anyone else?
Are you holding on to any mistakes you've made?
What insecurities / flaws are you beating yourself up about?
What demons are you battling with?

These are the parts of you that make you, YOU. We can easily improve who we are, how we look, our values, morals and character. Answering these questions honestly is the first step to embracing and loving your singleness. Take time in your single season to be honest, be aware of flaws and weaknesses and truly love yourself. Loving yourself wholeheartedly will allow you to recognize love from others, when it approaches you.

Live your single season. Be unapologetic. Be selfish with your love, effort, money, patience, time and energy. Pouring into yourself and less into pleasing and loving everyone else is worth it. Now don't go all dracula on everyone. But take yourself on a date to the movies, out to eat, or create a bucket list and begin doing everything you desire.