Damaged Goods

Why should you have to suffer for the damaged caused by someone else?

We've all probably experienced the feeling of being in love or simply loving someone else. We have experienced love at its best and at its worst. We have felt joy, happiness and peace as a result of love. However, we have also experienced hurt, disappointment and deception as a result of love.

We all have different coping mechanisms that help us better interpret and deal with EACH experience differently; good or bad. However, a common mistake that many of us make is letting the hurt or damage we've experienced pour into our developing relationships with others. This includes any relationship; family, friends and significant others.

So again why should I doubt and treat you undeserving because of the damage someone else has caused?

You can have a blessing placed in your life and you miss out on it, push it away or just never realize it because you are still holding on to the hurt and damaged someone else caused. It's so important to forgive and grow through whatever it is you go through. It is extremely damaging to harbor the pain and damage of the past, especially when it cannot be changed.

Imagine being in a relationship with someone for years. They were verbally abusive, constantly belittled you, made you second guess your worth, and overall had you feeling unappreciated. Everything you wanted from them you never got. But one day someone comes along and does everything you wanted that person to do. They are caring, compassionate, they understand your worth and are actually willing to put in the work to be with you and please you in every way. But you punish them unknowingly for the damage caused by someone else. When they compliment you or try to show you they appreciate your worth, you brush it off, key in on their flaws or in a sense make their efforts seem unappreciated by you. It may not be intentional because you are still hurting, damaged and you have your guard up so high. They try to be understanding but after a while they MAY get tired of being pushed away, feeling as if their efforts aren't appreciated or they may feel as if you can't let go/separate the then from the NOW. So you end up missing out something good.

Understand:

"Forgiveness is about freeing up and putting to better use the energy that is being consumed by holding on to grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing old wounds."

Forgiveness is the first step to OVERCOMING. It is important to forgive anyone that has done anything to hurt or offend you. It is important because holding on to that hurt only disrupts your peace. It makes it harder for you to be at ease and move on freely. It creates an unfavorable struggle between you, your happiness and your future. The first step of forgiveness for me is to pray. There is nothing wrong with being intimate with God. Let him know the problem and let him handle it. Do NOT go seeking revenge, but allow God to give you peace. It is also good to take time to express how you feel. Talk about it with someone, write yourself a letter, or whatever you need to do to express those feelings. 

You also have to be optimistic. Don't let a bad situation(s) confine your mind to believe that you can't achieve and receive everything you want and deserve. I see so many WOMEN settling in toxic relationships because they begin believing that all men are the same, all men cheat, all men are trash, etc. But that's so untrue. As unrealistic as it sounds, there are men out there willing to do whatever, whenever, wherever to make you happy. Do not, do not, do not settle for anything less than you deserve. Be patient and open-minded enough to know that you will find someone that's just right for YOU, regardless of the pain & struggle you’ve endured, flaws, or past.